Providers, Dependents, & Bouncers

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Historically speaking, females were dependent on males, their providers. That’s just the way it was, and still is in some parts of the globe. In more progressive societies females have overcome and many now consider themselves equal to males and have also become providers, equal among men. With that said, there are some females, for whatever reason either cannot or will not pull their weight and thus are totally, or almost so, completely dependent upon males for their welfare. For some, it is a chosen way, but for others it is, again for whatever reason, an impossibile task.
Nowadays, the role has been reversed in some, and in fact many instances. For whatever reason(s), there are males who either choose to be dependent upon females, or they must because they cannot make it on their on. This is not to say that it is necessarily wrong or, religiously speaking, sinful. Some are, yes, bums. Others are good men and they may work hard, but there seems to be maybe some flaw within that causes them to fail, or if not totally fail, to fall short of being a provider. It’s just how it is. Not a problem usually, but it can become a huge obstacle in relationships.
Of course, the ideal is for both male and female to pull their equal weight as that is today’s status quo.  It doesn’t matter who makes the most money, or who works more hours. What matters is they both do their parts in providing for the welfare of themselves, their partners, and their families, if they have children.  (This is not to imply that a stay-at-home wife or mother is not pulling her own weight).
Now, for my point. If for some reason, either a female or male is the dependent type, there should be no cover up. He or she must recognize that they are the dependent one and admit it. Otherwise any relationship with a provider is, sooner or later going to turn sour. If there is some flaw or weakness, no matter, just own up to the fact that the other person is the primary bread winner and give him or her his or her due. Otherwise, a break up is bound to occur and it’s back to walking a rough road and depending on the gullible to provide, either the government or some relative who is going to take pity and provide a loan which will never be paid back, and that naive relative is going to keep giving until the indebtedness is so big that a payback will never occur.
So, now what? There is no now what. Just be honest about who you are and how you operate, appreciate the kindness and generosity of others and break out if possible to prove that you can overcome.
Finally, as to the dependents, some are, what I call the bouncers. Bouncers are those that bounce from one mate — relationship — to another and some are very keen to do it often. I’ve known some to bounce to and from 3 – 4 per annum.  I don’t know, maybe the provider isn’t providing enough and the dependent is in search of the best deal.
What’s really intriguing about some bouncers is that they think that somehow they deserve the good deals but when it’s a raw deal they want to blame the provider.
SMH, just when i knew all the answers to life, new questions pop up.
© copyright Aug. 2016. Bob Haines

Fear Social Media Politics

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Listening to a Chinese diplomat being interviewed yesterday, he was asked what was China’s response to the political harangue going on in the U.S. His response grabbed my attention as he said in no uncertain terms that China’s leadership was not interested in America’s political drama or engaging with it.

Folks, it breaks my heart when i notice that a close friend has seemingly become addicted to the social media /Facebook political stuff, the ultra left in this case, but also some on the ultra right, Posts and more posts daily spewing the political BS.  It’s almost like they have joined a cult where they are being brainwashed and enslaved and unable to break away. Where once I enjoyed their posts on daily activities, fun things, humor, and general stuff which I enjoyed seeing and reading, it’s nothing now but politics and fear.

Listen to me.  Just as President Obama didn’t become a dictator and the country fall apart with a Muslim flag (which there is no such thing) flying over the white house, neither is President Trump going to be a dictator and take over the country.  This idea is totally ludicrous and highly inane. America is going along just fine, will swing back and forth to the right and left, and will continue to do so as it has always done. Stop the fear-mongering, hate-spreading and spread out a little love and care.

Could you please go back to your old self!

© Copyright Feb. 2020, Chaplain Bob Haines

Got Clutter?

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This life is made up of all sorts of people — different folks — it’s cluttered with people — some are like you, some are different. some we understand because they are like us, some we don’t understand because they are so different.

For example, i don’t understand persons who like clutter. Everything about them is cluttered. Walk into a room and look around. The walls are cluttered with pix and stuff. Everything in the room that has a top has clutter on it. It’s one huge display case. I don’t know if they are displaying stuff for themselves to look at or for others. I think it is a symptom of a cluttered mind. Too much stuff on display and too much stuff in the brain, on their mind.
Then take a look at their vehicle, their car or truck. Open the door and some items are bound to fall out. Want to put something in the trunk? Forget it, it’s full of clutter, the same stuff that was in it last week, the week before that, and 6 months ago. Have a flat tire? Might as well have a yard sale out on the side of the highway so you can get to the spare tire.

Look in the yard. clutter. I don’t understand people who must have stuff in the middle of the yard. If you’re gonna have stuff in the yard, spread it around a bit, give the yard and visitors breathing room for crying out loud. Otherwise someone is going to trip over something and sue.

Now, I got me some clutter, not much, but too much. Stuff. Things been hauling around for years. C’mon Bob, get rid of that clutter. You don’t need it.

© copyright Auguest 2016, Bob Haines


On Negative People

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i wish Facebook memes and all those positive preaching liberal preachers would stop their attacks on negative people.  i’m fed up with it and it hurts. especially all those memes and sarcastic BS.

hey, everyone knows the earth is flat. believe it.  besides all you have to do is observe the earth.  it’s flat as flat can be and any fool that tells you otherwise is wrong as wrong can be no matter his so-called evidence.

furthermore, the earth is the center of everything. again, just observe — the sun, moon, and stars — all revolve — they move around the earth. everyone believes it. it’s status quo, it’s the way things are and most important, it’s the way God made it. geez, get real man! everyone knows it. so stop complaining, bitching, being so damn negative and just go with the flow and it will make you feel better and you will get along with everyone and they will get along with you. we don’t need no questions because we have all the answers so stop questioning everything. makes for a nice day! don’t screw it up.

stop attacking negative people. you need us whether you realize it or not.

the next time you see one of those negativity memes on Facebook, stop for a second and remember bob’s rant and hide it and whatever you do, don’t share it!  and remember too, you need us negative people to keep everything in balance.

note: the normal average reader will most likely need to read this twice to grasp it’s meaning.


© copyright 2015 Robert A. Haines.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

On History

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Recently I attended a church Homecoming and a funeral of a life-long acquaintance on the same day. Many memories welled up both in my mind and in my heart, while at the same time thinking that within a few short years, maybe even months the experiences and events of these people will be gone forever, remembered no more. Then, too, the artifacts and things those people loved will also be gone, many to be given away, sold, discarded, and maybe even burned.

When I think of history, some things come to mind. First, I think that history is, in some sense, personal. History is about people, who they were and what they did. It is about how they paved the way for you and I. Secondly, history is about struggle, the struggle to overcome obstacles and to make life better, not only for themselves, but for everyone. Thirdly history is full of both successes as well as mistakes and failures and we should remember and honor both and I believe it is the latter that teaches us most because it is the mistakes and failures that leads to success.

As young people, we most likely didn’t pay much attention to history. i took history courses in both high school and college, but honestly i learned little to nothing. By the way, if one would say we “studied” history, I would guess that most of us only studied in order to pass tests. We did not study to learn. Now that I am older, and my memories even increase as days go by, I now want to study to enjoy it as well as to learn from it, and maybe pass it on when I get chances to, to my children and whoever will listen.

There are two instruments today that help in both remembering the past and in sharing memories and data of the past. The first is the personal computer and the power of the internet to store and share information. Second is the social media, and for me, the use of Facebook. People use Facebook for many reasons and so do I, but one of the main uses for me is to share photographs, documents, and personal stories with family and friends while at the same time simply posting this stuff preserves it.

There are many internet sites and Facebook pages and groups dedicated to the preservation and sharing of historical information and I find these exciting. I belong to some and I have created some, primarily on Facebook. I have personally been responsible to bring hundreds of people together and reacquainted via the creation of these groups which have led to reunion events. I have seen people that I have not seen in 50 years, more or less. One old military friend gave me a hat that I had left with him while stationed in Pakistan ovwe 50 years ago.

As we chat with these old friends, our memories are made clearer and sometimes we re-remember something we had long ago forgotten and the friendship is even stronger today than it was then. Sometimes, though, as we learn about the old friend, we find we have little or nothing in common now as we have both changed in so many ways and it is too difficult to overcome those differences in order to connect well. And, sometimes we simply have to let go of a person where the friction of the relationship is just too strong.

Finally as i think about history, i am acutely aware that there is more than one history in our local area, our state, and in our nation. Why? Because we are a diverse peoples and history has not always been kind. When discussing local history with someone, I always take the opportunity to remind him or her that that are two histories of our county — one good, one bad; one rich, one poor; one happy, one sad; one white, one black. The national motto, E Pluribus Unum didn’t apply. However, as I think about it more, there really was only one history because no matter how difficult to unite two or more peoples, we were, in fact one although we didn’t treat one another too kindly.

Now how do we tie in history with the future. We should celebrate the past, both the bad and the good and work toward uniting the two into one. In doing so, in remembering, celebrating, and enjoying doing so, we should work together to build a better future for our children and future generations, locally, nationally, and internationally.

Nostalgia is great.  I love looking back, to reminisce about the past.  But I live in the present and try and make the best of it by living it in all its fullest while maintaining goals plans for my future.

© April 21, 2015. Bob Haines. All rights reserved

Stupid Facebook Questions

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1. when i eat an apple, i eat the peeling and the core, including the seeds.

2.  started college at age 26, finished at age 34 with 2 bachelors and 1 master degree.

3.  served with every military branch except for the Coast Guard.

4. have moved (changed physical addresses) more than 30 times.

5.  i’ve lived in  my present location longer than any other place.

6.  i’ve written 3 self-published books.

7. i am creative and innovative, but i let others finish the job.

8.  i am altruistic but with a juxtaposition of narcissism (HUH!).

9.  i am slow to anger and on the rare occasion that you see me angry, best to keep your distance and carefully measure the need to intervene or not.

10.  i don’t like parlor games.

11.  i give directions well.

12.  i am a skeptic — i question most everything. (not just to question, but to find an answer).

13.  when i settle on something, or have a 99 % degree of certainty about something, you can count on me.  but there will always be a slight “what if”.  (should we pass, run, or kick?).

14.  i believe that there are certain natural laws/principles that are the way things are supposed to be but that there are variations.  the question is, should the variation be “fixed”?

15.  i use the word, “but” a lot.  maybe there’s a better way.

16.  i am not perfect and i don’t try to be nor to i expect others to be.

17. i have an extraordinary amount of questions but i realize there are some answers that will never be known.

18.  i struggle with many questions and issues of life because many of the recognized  answers or solutions are based on faith and not substantial, scientific proof.

19.  i truly never say never.

20.  i don’t believe in capital punishment in any case.

21.  i hate stopping at #21 because it represents something finite and i believe in the infinite, but infinity boggles my mind to the degree of insanity.

bonus: i enjoy retirement and the freedom it brings.  (it pains me to know that others don’t have the same freedom because of the lack of finances or other reasons).

there are many more things about me that people may or may not know but if i don’t stop now, i’ll be at it for who knows how long.

i have many regrets that i did not learn many of life’s lessons early on to the point that i want to pass on my lessons learned to others.  the problem is, most others don’t listen to me, especially the younger set because they are like me when i was younger.  the older set?  well they are like me also, set in their ways — except that i am NOT set in my ways.  oh wait — maybe some ways — IDK — i want to be settled in some ways, i want to be a creature of habit, but it just ain’t that damn simple for people like me.  figure that one out too.

Bottom line?  There is no bottom line.  The more I re-read the above, the more it needs revision so if I’m going to publish, I need to stop and do it — but I don’t like stopping.

Bottom Line #2 — I’m about as confused as a baby in a topless bar!

© copyright Feb. 2020
Robert A. Haines, Chaplain Haines

Death, A Realistic But Spiritual Perspective

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handling the death of a loved one well is a healthful and healing thing.  that’s why we have friends to wrap their arms around us and just be there for us, and sometimes say things to comfort us, some helpful, some not so helpful but mean well. thank God for friends.

the first major death of my life, my own father at age 35, me at age 15. there is some difference between managing death as a teenager and someone who manages death at, say age 40, 50, 60, 70, and beyond. for example it may be the first or second major death, or the 12th or 13th, a father, mother, spouse, or child.  however, it never gets any easier.

there is ample information on the internet and good books such as Kubler-Ross’, On Death and Dying, so i am not going to go through all that about stages of grief, etc. The only thing i really want to mention here is one spiritual dynamic, to wit, that death is a fact and will happen to all of us and our family members and friends and after a reasonable time period, realize that yes, it is over, and move on to a happy and fulfilled future without your loved one. oh, you say that may be a grotesque, unhealthful, and hateful thing to write, but i say unto you that when we face reality squarely and take the necessary time to understand reality, we can then learn to go forwar with out lives with the memories of our loved one, but not living daily in those memories which prohibit the future happiness.

so, if you have experienced the death of a loved one, and you probably have, whether it be in the distant past or recently, let me assure you as others have, that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life as your life is not over ’til it’s over even though your earthly relationship with you loved one is over. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you both now and forevermore. amen.

“And Jesus said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, for they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.” Jesus of Nazareth (Luke 20:34-36)

“And the seven left no offspring. Last of all the woman also died. In the resurrection, when they rise again, whose wife will she be? For the seven had her as wife.” Jesus said to them, “Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God? For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Jesus of Nazareth (Mark 12:22-25)

“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.” Paul of Tarsus (Romans 7:2)


© copyright 2014, 2020
Robert A. Haines, Chaplain Haines

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